Shamanistic Secrets

Whoooop go Dave

get Noel all better

Title: I Am Terrified.
Pairing: Nove (Noel/Dave)
Disclaimer: I dont own the boosh. so please dont sue me i have so little to give.
Rating: 15+
Warnings: Drug use. Drug Addiction. Strong language.


Four: Robotboy.


Noel ran straight upstairs into the spare bedroom. His sanctuary of the past year.
Julian had followed him.

"Are we doing the right thing?" Diane asked.
Dave looked at her. "Di, its not you we want to go cold turkey."

"You wont find it." Julian told Noel, leaning against the doorframe as Noel emptied drawers all a blind panic.
"Why not?!" Noel snapped, in a tone that told Julian he wasn't listening. He moved onto the wardrobe and looked through the boxes in there.
"Because your Dad and I were in here an hour before you came home, Noel. We got rid of every bit of cocaine in here, every mirror, every blade, every cigarette, every painkiller, indigestion tablet, strepsil and beechams."
Noel looked up at him in disgust. "Why?! What'd you think I was gonna do?! OD on fucking sore throat sweets?!"
Noel let out a screech and barged past him down the stairs.
"You're doing this!" Dave told him, as he rushed straight past him into the kitchen.
Every drop of alcohol was gone, every tablet in the medicine cupboard, every knife in the cuttlery drawer."FUCKING HELL!!" He screamed pulling the drawer out scattering forks and spoons all over the kitchen and walking back to the group of concerned friends and relatives. "YOU'RE ALL HYPOCRITS THE FUCKING LOT OF YOU!" He pointed at his parents. "YOU TWO USED TO BE EXACTLY THE SAME!" He pointed at Russell. "AND YOU!" He turned his attention to Dee. "AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON YOU, Y' BITCH!"
"HEY!" Dee snapped.
Julian held her back, knowing she could and would hit him.
"Oh dont you start!" Noel whined at him.
"What?!" Julian asked. "What did I do?!"
"You! Pretending like you care! All you care about its yourself, your West Country wife and you fucking twins!"
Russell piped up. "Woah, 'old on mate thats a bit far."
"She's not from the West Country Noel! She's not a fucking farmer!"
"Oh well whatever!"
"Is it so wrong of me to care about my family Noel? Something you seem to do so very little of!"
"Oh fuck off will you! Why are you even here anyway?"
"STOP IT!" Mike shouted in an unexpected deep voice. Julian and Noel stopped bickering. "Look what you're doing to Dave!"
Everyone looked at Dave, who was sat on the sofa, quietly sobbing picking at his shoulder as if there was something on it.
"Oh Dave!" Diane sighed, as she and Dee rushed to him.
Ray looked at his mess of a son and said "You should rest."

*

Russell and Julian were upstairs while Noel slept, watching him incase he did something or had a relapse.
"You wanna talk?" Russell asked.
"No I bloody dont!" Julian snapped, but it wasnt in anger, it was a slightly polite tone he used.
"Julian, 'e didnt mean what 'e said. He's dope sick. He dont know what he's sayin."
Julian slumped further down in his seat and picked at his eyelashes with his thumb and index finger.
Noel woke up suddenly and ran into the bathroom.
"You wanna-" Russell started.
"I'm not gonna be on puke duty!" Julian assured.
Noel's mobile started ringing and he immediately rushed out. "Is that my phone?" He grumbled.
Russell picked it up. "China Sorrows?" He asked.
"That's his dealer, dont answer it." Julian protested,
"Oh fuck off! Let me take my calls!"
"Too late." Russell declined the call.
"RUSSELL!" Noel whined. "You fucking dick!"
It rang again but he declined it.
Noel stumbled out of the room. "I cant breathe."
"Where you off now?!" Russell called, loud enough for people downstairs to know he was on the loose.
"I cant breathe!" He said again.
"Dont let 'im out of the door!" Russell said.
Noel tired to put his key in the front door lock but the locks had been changed. "Why doesnt my key work!?!" He screamed, walking to the back door.
"It's too small." Dave replied facetiously.
"Dont let him out! His dealer called twice!" Russell felt like the tell-tale of the classroom.
Diane stood infront of the backdoor as everyone gathered behind Noel in the kitchen.
"Diane dont do it." Everyone said. "Not now, we've worked hard, he's doing well. Come on dont give up now."
Noel looked at her with big, watery and desperate eyes. "Mum please." He sobbed. "I cant breathe. I'll only be outside for 5 minutes I swear I'll come back in. I promise please.. Mum please? Please.."
Your battery's low, did you crash again?
Robot boy, do you need a friend?
Hey little droid
Is your head on wrong?
Diane turned and put her hand on the key.
Several dissappointed sighs echoed around the kitchen.
Diane locked the door and put the key in her bra. "You are not going anywhere! You will sit down and you will button up or so help me God I am putting you in rehab!"

Damn girl this story's breaking my heart.

Oh Noel. Silly sod.

But I have to say, your Russell is so perfect it hurts.
(L)

Go Diane! (':
(ive met her, she's so lovely! :'D)

aww, i wanna give Dave a big hug! (':

the stories getting better and better!!


dont EVER! give up writing! (':
your way too amazing.

ima love you.

Russell is amazin in this story hes perfect

go Diane

i agree this story is gettin better and better

Title: I Am Terrified.
Pairing: Nove (Noel/Dave)
Disclaimer: I dont own the boosh. so please dont sue me i have so little to give.
Rating: 15+
Warnings: Drug Addiction. Strong language.


Five: Mike's Drinking Us Out Of House and Home.


Four by Noel Fielding.

this is chapter one.


"Noel?" Dave asked quietly.
Noel was still feeling pretty wasted, like he had the flu, and he hated Dave for doing this.
"Everyone's gone. But Mike and Ju are still here. I'm gonna drive to tescos for a few bits. We need some more tea, Mike's drinking us out of house and home."
"Why are you telling me this?" Noel asked, looking up at him.
"Well I was just gonna ask you if you wanted anything?"
Noel looked back down. "Sweets." Before Dave had chance to ask what kind, Noel said "Haribo.. Big bag."
Dave smiled and nodded. "You're doing really well Noel. I can't begin to tell you how proud I am."
"Really?" Noel asked, doubtfully. "Cause I feel like someone's reached into my throat and pulled out my stomach."
"It'll pass." Dave promised, but really he had no idea and Noel knew he had no idea. "I'll get your Haribo." He said, as he left the room again.
"This is an infringement of my rights David!" Noel called once the door was closed. "You cant keep me in here forever! Sooner or later I'm gonna call Amesty."
Dave sighed and opened the door again. "You wanna go? Then go." He threw him a new key. "Leave if thats what you really want! But I tell you something now, Noel. You walk out of that door I'm changing the locks. You can go stay with China Sparrow or whatever her fucking name is if thats what you really want!"
"Why are you doing this?!" Noel started crying. "Do you hate me that much?!"
"I AM NOT DOING IT BECAUSE I HATE YOU I'M DOING IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"
Noel grabbed Dave's shirt and kissed him passionately.
Dave pulled back and shook his head. "Not while you're like this."
Noel looked right into his cyan blue eyes. "I have never been more attracted to you."
Dave swallowed nervously. "I'm taking the Minor, so I'll be back in an hour."

*

Julian walked in on Noel packing a hold all frantically. "Are you going somewhere?"
"Yes!" Noel snapped. "Rehab! I can't carry on like this Julian, I'm desperate.Okay, its been 4 fucking hours and I feel like peeling my skin off!! I need help! Proper help!"
"Yeah you do. You're a different person Noel and I hate it. You've become vicious and spiteful and vindictive little swine!"
Noel nodded. "You're a cunt!"
"I rest my case."
"Well I'm leaving! Tell Dave I'll see him when I get back and tell him I love him. And Mike. And you actually, despite the fact I'm a vicious, spiteful, vindictive little swine!" Noel zipped the bag up angrily. "Case closed!"
As Noel walked out, Julian tried to lighten the situation by commenting "It's a bag." but it was no use.

Whats up? 5'S UP!
hhaha. :p

im useless.
but your amazing mcbarratt.


(':
yaay for dave and his minor

lol

amazing, ima love you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Awwww blesss Dave

Title: I Am Terrified.
Pairing: Nove (Noel/Dave)
Disclaimer: I dont own the boosh. so please dont sue me i have so little to give.
Rating: 15+
Warnings: Drug Addiction. Strong language.


Six: He's An Addict!


"Back." Dave called from the front door in Bollo's voice.
"Dave!" Julian tried to talk to him but Dave was already half way up the stairs go give Noel his Haribo. "Dave I need a word!"
"Better make it 20." Mike lisped from behind him.
Dave came bounding back down. "Where's he gone?!"
"Hello." Julian smiled sweetly.
"Julian! Where is Noel?"
"Gone." Julian panicked.
"What'd you mean he's gone?! Where's he gone!? I asked you to keep an eye on him! Jesus Christ, you're a father, how'd you manage to not let them escape, its the same principles!"
"Come on Dave, that's a bit out of order." Mike sighed.
"He said he went to rehab." Julian explained. "He packed up and left."
"AND YOU BELIEVED HIM?!"
"Well.... I guess! Yeah, I did!"
"HE IS A DRUG ADDICT!"
"You're shouting." Mike told him, as a hint to stop.
Julian sighed.
"HE'S NOT GONE TO REHAB JULIAN, HE'S GONE TO CHINA'S. God, I ask you to do one thing!"
"Well I didnt think of that!! Where were you?!"
It was at that moment Dave's sister, Isabelle invited herself in with 3 her son Isaac in one hand and a bag in the other hand.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Dave blurted out, it was a shock and he didnt mean to word it quite like he did.
"You are looking after Isaac!" He handed him to her. "Thanks I knew you'd understand!" She hurried out of the house before Dave could say anything.
"Wh- What just happened? IZZY! Come back!" Dave handed Isaac to Julian and said "Hold that."
"That?!" Julian asked watching Dave run away down the path after his sister.
"Isabelle get back here now!"
Isabelle stopped, she hated being told off by her big brother more than anything in the world. "Dave please!"
"Why are you dumping your child on me?!"
"I'm not dumping him! It's just for this weekend, pleeeeeeease Dave! There's this really important exhibition and I'm in it and I have to go."
"Take him to Mums. You know I would but I'm really snowed under at the moment, okay, I've got enough on my mind." Dave turned around and went to walk back in the house.
"I'M AN ARTIST!" Isabelle shouted, in the way artists do when art absolutely has to come first. Dave remembered screaming it a few times in college.
He turned again. "Okay. But if you're not back by 12 on Sunday morning, I'm putting a label on him and leaving him in Hoxton Square!"
"Dave!" Mike called from the front door. "Mum just rang. Noel's in A&E."
"WHAT?!"
"He's OD'd."

does dave have a sister?
i duno
well he does now.

LOOL!
wow.
i cant actually imagine dave going off on one.
i tried.
i just.. i cant see it.
he's too lovely LOL


amazing, loveyouxxxxx

didnt know Dave had a sister
but i guess he does now


i cnt imagine Dave goin off like that either
he is too sweeet

I know he is but if the sister that you may or may not have (we dont know LOL) turned up and dumped your nephew on you and buggered off without a word, just after Julian Barratt had let your boyfriend run away to take drugs, you'd probably get a bit arsey too!
HA!

you make a very gud point

Title: I Am Terrified.
Pairing: Nove (Noel/Dave)
Disclaimer: I dont own the boosh. so please dont sue me i have so little to give.
Rating: 15+
Warnings: Drug Addiction. Strong language.


Seven: Where's Dave?


"What the fuck are you playing at?!" Diane snapped.
"Leave him Di." Ray sighed. "You wouldn't have been mad if he was dead."
Noel was curled up at the edge of the bed like a child.
"Are you clean?" She asked.
Noel didnt say anything, just nodded.
"Sobor?"
He nodded again. This time he opened his mouth like he was going to speak, and looked at Julian. "Where's Dave?"
Julian sighed, hoping he wouldn't have had to be the one to break it to him. "Dave's... Gone."
Noel sat up. "Where's he gone?"
"He said he needed to get away from you for a while. After you overdosed he said he was fed up of you breaking his heart. So he left."
Noel started sobbing. "Is he coming back?"
"I dont know." Julian admitted under his breath.

But God can be funny.
At a cocktail party when listening to a good God themed joke oh
Or when the crazies say he hates us
And they get so red in the head you think they're 'bout to choke.
God can be funny.
When told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way.
When presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jimminy Cricket and Santa Claus.
God can be so hillarious, ha ha.

When Noel got home, there was a letter waiting for him on the coffee table.

I hate this.
I fucking hate this.
Letters, they seem so far apart. We're not though, not really.
I wish I hadn't left now, but I cant come back I'll look a right berk. But I miss you, I do. I really do.
Why did I leave?
Well because you were drunk all the time, you were always on drugs. The Noel I left behind was certainly not the Noel I fell in love with.

I want to see you.
I cant face myself to go to the hospital, I just cant. I'm scared to the bone about how you're going to look. I guess now you're reading this you're home..
I'm staying with Caramac at his new place. I've left the address on the fridge, if you feel the need to write... Please do.
I miss you.

With all the love I could possibly possess.
Dave
Bollo xxx

Awwwww thats so sad

i hope Dave + Noel can work it all out so they can be happy again.

another amazin part to the story

keep em comin hehe

Dave's so.. amazing.
so beautiful.
even if it is you writing it.
THATS how i imagine Dave to be.
the most beautiful, kind human being (or gorilla, either way ahah) to ever exist (':

i love this story so much.

xxxxx

Title: I Am Terrified.
Pairing: Nove (Noel/Dave)
Disclaimer: I dont own the boosh. so please dont sue me i have so little to give.
Rating: 15+
Warnings: Strong language.


Eight: Postcards From...


Right about now, I wish I could tell you that I hate you for running out on me like this. But I cant even form that sentence, it sticks. It sticks my hand like tree sap or PVA glue, you know why? Because its a lie.
I dont hate you at all. How could I?
Do you hate me?

When you said Caramac I thought you meant that stripper from Soho, you know her with the tattoo of dice on her foot, she uses a dagger in most of her dance. I didnt think you meant Gay Jack. Gay Jack didn't even cross my mind to be honest with you, why was he on yours? You gayist!
I didn't know he moved house, he hasn't spoken to me in months. How is he? Caramac I mean. He's getting married next year isn't he?

I know, I'm avoiding things again.
Cardiff? That's pretty fucking far away, Dave.
Please don't tell me they're hooking you up with someone else too. I know you probably need 'space' but I dont expect space to be the exact same height, depth and width as me!

Sorry I'm making accusations.
I miss you.
8 years we've been together. 8 fucking years. Remember on our third year anniversary? We went to Paris for a long weekend? Do you remember that place we went to that night? What was it called? Jean Claude Jaquettie or something...They gave you that dessert menu, and you laughed for years at "Rum Baba". Said it sounded too tribal to be French. (I know you're laughing now! I can hear you in my head) The wine had gone to your head. And do you remember when the waiter was staring at you when you were drinking that wine, you didnt know you had to tell him it was okay. You said yes about 12 times then he walked off and you said "I've got a bad feeling about him."

Sorry that just came out of no where.
I better go, last post's in 15 minutes.
I miss you.
I love you.
Come home?

All my love to far away
Noel xxxx

PS. Why didn't you sign your real name? x

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Of course I dont fucking hate you! I'm just... I'm broken.
I've had a bit of a shocker, I just need time, time away.

Jack's fine. So's David. They say hi. The ceremony is in 3 months, asked me if we wanted to go. And he hadn't spoken to you because you punched him in the face 6 months ago. Cocaine does that to you.

I'm not looking for someone else Noel. How dare you? I wouldn't dream of looking anywhere else. You know its weird. My attraction to you.. It's not men, just you. You've shown me so much and I'm nothing without you (Even I know that was corny!)
Yes Cardiff is fucking far away, which is why I didn't take the Moggy! Look after her wont you?

8 years is a long time Fielding.
Here's to 8 more.
I can't believe you brought up Paris! The place was called "Le Grand Colbert" and that was the best fried chicken I ever had. That was the best weekend I ever had, because it was Paris, and it was you. I wouldn't have wanted to spend those 4 days with anyone else. We'll go again some time yeah? But for longer, a week or two maybe? I'd like that. Maybe go and visit your Grandmere, I'm confident she'll be delighted to see you!
Rum Baba still makes me giggle.

First post. The post that hurts the most.
Just like this does. Really, really painful. I hate it.
I miss you too.
I love you more.
Sorry.. No. Not yet.

All the love, Twiggy.
Bollo xxxx

PS. Because writing my real name hurt too Goddamn much. x

awwww.
this seems so real, reading it.
it actually brings tears to my eyes.
your so fricking amazing!
i proper love this!
(':

xxxxx

i agree
it seems so real when i read it
you are an amazin writer

Title: I Am Terrified.
Pairing: Nove (Noel/Dave)
Disclaimer: I dont own the boosh. so please dont sue me i have so little to give.
Rating: 15+
Warnings: Drug Addiction. Strong language.


Nine: What Am I Supposed To Do When The Best Part Of Me Was Always You?


Dave watched Jack walk into the bedroom with a cup of steaming coffee for him. The Script played Break Even quietly on the radio.
He smiled a charming smile and said "How are you today soldier?"
Dave shrugged.
"You fancy getting out of bed today?" Jack gave Dave the cup of coffee.
He shook his head. "Not really."
"You know you can only stay with us just as long as you want."
"Thanks Jack. Sorry I've been a shite houseguest I just-"
"Hey, hey hey. Shush your lips up Monkey-Man. You know Dave loves you and I love you, this house is just as much yours as it is ours."
Dave smiled.
"You got another letter by the way."
Dave looked at Noel's handwriting for a minute before opening it.

Twiggy; I miss you calling me that.

I had a dream about you last night. One of those dreams that feel really real. You asked me to marry you and I said yes, so we celebrated with some bum fun. I ended up pregnant, and 9 months later I had a C-Section. What creeps me out most is the fact Julian delivered the baby.. He was doing a good bit of midwifery actually.
It was a girl, she looked exactly like you.. Matilda we called her; after that magic kid. Matilda Fielding-Brown.

Julian reconed it was because of my subconcious need to settle down.
But Julian would say that. I know he means well.

I don't really have much to say. We tried writing series 3, but I ended up breaking down.
That's all.

I love you Dave.
Please dont forget that.

I dont miss you anymore.
I need you.

Noel xxxx

lol
the bit when he said he gace birth made me laugh

awesome chapter

lol!
more pregnant dreams XD

aww.
'i dont miss you anymore.
i need you'
awwww!


xxxxxxxxx

Awww Noel is so sweeet

Oh woah. This is getting good Mrs!
Bloody hell!
I just want Noel to get clean and Dave to come back and them to have a lovely happy family! (:

And go to Paris.

Title: I Am Terrified.
Pairing: Nove (Noel/Dave)
Disclaimer: I dont own the boosh. so please dont sue me i have so little to give.
Rating: 15+
Warnings: Drug Addiction. Strong language.


Ten: Take Me To Bed and Rip Me Apart.


When Dave walked into the bedroom, Noel was half asleep, half awake. He hoped he would be.
"Do you want a bacon sandwich?" Dave asked, swallowing his nerves.
"Yes please." It was early, Noel hadn't registered Dave wasn't there yet.
"Red sauce or brown?"
"Red.."
"Cockney cuppa?"
Noel sighed and smiled. "Yes please."
Dave nodded and walked downstairs into the kitchen.
Noel opened his eyes. "Dave?" He shot out of bed and ran downstairs into the kitchen.
Dave was stood cooking bacon, the kettle bubbling and the morning Radio 1 playing Mystery Jets' 'Two Doors Down'.
Noel started crying soon as he saw him.
"Did you do something to the other pan?" Dave asked, frowning. "The good one. I cant find it."
"You came back." Noel sobbed.
Dave nodded. "Yeah, well. There's only so much time you can spend with a gay couple. I started complimenting drapes and enjoying the smell of pot-purri. Figured I had to come back sooner or later. I said I needed time, and time's what I had." Noel could tell Dave was panicking, because he was speaking without thinking. "Its amazing how many cushions you can get on one bed, it was like climbing Everest every night. But they were nice you know, they made my bed and gave me breakfast every morning.. I told them not to but they insisted so-" Dave cut off when he saw Noel's face, listening to every word he said with tears in his eyes. "I came back for you."
Noel shook his head. "Thats all I wanted to hear."
Dave nodded and turned off the hob.
"I was getting scared, you hadn't written in nearly 2 weeks.. I thought... Well actually I thought that was it." Noel sighed.
"Are you still using? Because if you are I will leave you this time. I wont come back."
Noel shook his head. "Not for 6 days."
"Thank God for that!" Dave sighed impatiently, and walked to Noel, kissing him passionately. "I thought I was gonna have to leave you. I dont want to."
"I love you." Noel whispered.
Dave kissed him again. "Bedroom?"
Noel turned them both around and pushed Dave towards the stairs. "Quick, before you make it go away." He teased.
"Before I make it go away?!" Dave asked.
Noel giggled and pushed him again. "Go! Go! Go!"

Innocent child,
How you thought you knew me,
Understood my ways,
My dark needs,
The hunt is not the thrill I'm after,
I want the kill, the conquest,
To be your master,
Wrap your arms around my pale skin,
It's too late to back out you're in,
On your knees and praise your new lord,
Deeper now, and here's your reward,

Take me to bed and rip me apart...

*

"Dave?" Noel whispered.
"Yeah?"
"Are you awake?"
Dave cleared his throat. "You do know it was me who said that right?" Dave smiled and looked down at him, tucked away under his arm, breathing softly on his chest.
Noel was watching Dave's stomach as he was breathing, he imagined his soul wanting to escape and wanting to go back in. "We get married?" Noel asked softly. "Be man and wife.. One blood."
Dave nodded. "Yeah.. We'll get married, try again.. We'll do it properly this time."
"No drugs." Noel shook his head.
"No.. No drugs."