Shamanistic Secrets

Okay. Official LOVE for this Mrs Barratt.
Imma so happy they're back together.

It's all rainbows and sprinkles now, yeah?
Plz sunshine kid.
Hehhee.

(':

you make me smile.
daves beautiful.
in and out (:
lol

Title: Settling Down.
Pairing: Nove
Disclaimer: I dont own the boosh. so please dont sue me i have so little to give.
Rating: 15+
Warnings: Strong Language.
A/N: This is a follow up from 'I Am Terrified'.


One: They Said "There's Too Much Caffine In Your Bloodstream."

Julian took Noel's coffee away from him as he was speaking to his Dad, Ray. "Thank you." He said.
"Wh- I Need that!!" Noel snapped trying to take it back off him.
"You've had enough coffee Noel, you've had about 5 cups in 15 minutes, you'll give yourself a heart attack. Sit down."
"Juli-"
"HEARTATTACK!" He shouted quickly. "Sit."
Noel sat down immediately.
"What time are you getting married?" Ray asked. "Should I have written a speech?"
Noel shot up again. "YOU DONT HAVE A SPEECH?!"
"Sit down." Julian ordered again. Noel looked at him gone out, he had his back to them so there was no way he could have possibly known Noel had stood up.
"Did you see me write one down?" Ray asked.
"I always thought Mum would be the one to ruin my wedding day, I'm not gonna lie to you."
A cheerful Sommerset accent filled the air as the door opened and Julia Davis came to light. "Where's the blushing bride?"
"NO! NO NO!" Julian dropped the mug in the sink and ran to the hotel room door, stopping her from coming in. "Not yet, not now!"
"Dont ever run at me like that again you're a stampede, Julian!"
"He's having a bit of a breakdown, he's nervous and you're far too giddy!"
"Well I am sorry Julian but I have never been to a gay wedding before so please excuse me if I'm a little bit excited!" She pushed past him. "Hiya Noel!" She singsonged.
"I tried, I really did." Julian told him.
"Will you stop! You're making me sound like a bloody flood!" She turned to Noel. "And what are you doing?! You're getting married in 3 hours and you're sat here in your jim-jams eating haribo and sherbert and you stink of coffee. Go and get in the shower, I'll help you do your hair and your make up and then we'll get you dressed."
Noel had a smile on his face. "Can I marry you instead?"
Julia giggled and put her hands on his cheeks. "Of course you can darlin'!" She kissed him on the nose.
"Dont mind me." Julian mumbled.
Julia sighed and turned on her heel, pulled Julian forward by the front of his jeans and kissed him passionately.
Noel looked up at Ray. Ray cleared his throat. "I think I'm gonna go find your mum."

*

"You're the worst best man in the world." Dave told Julian as he walked into his hotel suite.
"You're not dressed yet?!" Julian screeched.
"Please dont shout." Dave held his head.
"Please dont tell me you're hungover.."
Mike nodded. "He's hungover." He lisped.
"Dave you stupid arse!"
Dave looked up at him again. "Why did you let me drink that much?"
"Excuse me?! I'm not your mother, I dont tell you what you can and cant do!"
"Is Noel okay?" Dave grumbled.
"He's in a better state than you are! Get up!"
"You talk to your boys this way?"
"My boys dont wake up with a hangover."
Mike laughed. "Snap."

Ahhh WEDDINGTINGZ! (L)

I love poor Jules in this. Bless him. :')
He's trying his best! And Julia is just (L). Naturally.

Eeeee moar soon plz?

(': julians amazing haha.
silly daave! LOOL!

moremore;)
xxxx

Awwwww WOW this is so awesome

i love a gud wedding

NEWFIC NEW FIC NEW FIC!



Title: Send In The Clowns
Pairing: Julia(n)- Sort of.
Disclaimer: Dont sue me I have so little to give!
Rating: 15+
Warnings: Accidents.


One: Black Tounges Speak Faster Than A Car Can Crash.


Julian Barratt tried to ignore one of his almost 2 year old twins, stood on the arm of the sofa flicking the light switch off and on again repeatidly while he was trying to write.
Eventually he snapped, and looked up at the toddler. It was Walter stood on the chair. "Please stop doing that, you have already nailed down the principle that when you turn the light switch on and off again.. Daddy cant see anything! Then he will stand up to try and find you and kill you and stand on your toys and break them. Do you want daddy to break your toys?"
Walter shook his head definately.
"I didnt think so." Julian shook his head. "Now will you get down, because if you fall, you will die."
Walter's bottom lip quivvered and he sat down quickly on the chair he was stood on.
"Good man." Julian pointed to the TV. "Watch the... Thing."
Julian's eyes were drawn to the love of his life, Julia Davis, sat in the armchair eating a satsuma, trying desperately not to laugh. "What are you laughing at?" He asked her.
"No, nothing.. Nothing." She turned away from him to stop from laughing harder.
He smiled at her and shook his head.
"Daddy, the phones ringing.." The second twin, Arthur told him.
Julian frowned. "No it's not.."
Seconds later Julian's mobile started ringing in his pocket.
Julia looked back at him doubtfully.
Julian pulled out his phone and said "Okay, that happened.." Before he answered the phone.

His best friend and part 2 of the Mighty Boosh duo, Noel Fielding was on the other end. "Julian! Do you think you could come down to the studio? There's been a problem with the music."
Julian panicked, they could have taken anything but the music. "Problem? What problem?"
"It's.. Gone."
"Gone? What'd you mean gone?"
"Somethings happened with the disk it was on.. I dont know, I dont understand all that shit.."
"Yeah okay I can come down.. I've still got them all on my laptop anyway but I haven't got the edits. I'll put them all on a hard disk and bring it down."
"God Julian. You're a life saver.."
Julian laughed. "I know." He hung up and started rushing about. Keys, wallet, coat, phone, hard-disk.
"What's happened?" Julia asked.
"Music trouble.. I have to go."
"But its your day off!"
"I know.. I'm sorry. I'll ring you when I'm on my way home." He kissed her forehead, kissed his boys and left the house to his car.

*

Julian hated red lights, he was panicking about the music, it was everything to him and he was worrying about why it had gone. All in the time it took from that light to turn from red to green he was thinking.
Then he pulled out of the junction and thats when the speeding car hit his.

He squeezed his eyes shut, uncertain what had happened.
"Julian?"
His head lolled to one side-
"Julian?"
and his eyelids closed.
"Hello Julian.. You're very late you know!"

Oooowie. I love how hilarious Julia found that bit. Bless her. (l)
But hang on a sec.
What's going down?
Car crash?
Oh holy. :S

Moar soon plz?

WOW
another awesome story
cnt wait for more

Title: Send In The Clowns
Pairing: Julia(n)- Sort of.
Disclaimer: Dont sue me I have so little to give!
Rating: 15+
Warnings: Strong Language.


Two: Cream and Sugar?


"He's here! Come quick!!" The loud whistle that followed made Julian realise how much his head hurt.
Julian opened his eyes and saw a strage looking man hovering over him, knees bent and his head close to Julian's face, staring at him with a huge grin on his face. "Julian! You're terribly late!" He told him, in a posh British accent.
"Late for what?" Julian asked, trying to recoil back from the man.
The man pulled Julian to his feet, and Julian got a proper look at him.

He was wearing spats, one green sock and one red sock, long ones, and black corduroys that had been torn at the knee to make them cut offs, he wore a white shirt- tucked in, with frilly cuffs that poked out of the jacket- a waistcoat and a tailed jacket, which was torn on the right shoulder. He had a multi-coloured spotted handkerchief in the top pocket. His hair was a dirty blonde, with hits of green. It reminded Julian of Julia's hair, it was neither here nor there. The mans face was pale, and thin, his eyes were deep set and a demonic shade of greeny yellow.

"You're late for tea." He didn't blink once, and he never stopped smiling. He clicked his fingers and the strange man shot up as a table appeared from apparently the ground and a chair shot into the back of Julian's knees forceing him to sit in it.
The room luminated. It was a tall room with lime and olive striped wallpaper, and mucky cream carpets. The strange man was stood on a long table full of teacups, teapots and cakes. He picked up one of the teapots- which looked like it was at least 40 years old- and a chipped china teacup. "Tea, sir?" He asked, bending his knees again so his face was level with Julians.
Julian nodded, but he really didnt want tea, he wanted to know where he was and he wanted to call Julia. He wanted to know who this man was.
The man poured into the cup, but nothing came out of the teapot.
Mime tea? Julian thought. Is this guy for real?
He put the teacup infront of Julian and asked "Cream and sugar?"
Julian shook his head and looked into the empty china cup in doubt. "I dont mean to be rude or anything, but who exactly are you?"
The man turned his on the ball of his foot, making the table cloth twist and several vases and tiered cake trays clutter to the floor, and he took three long strides to the centre of the table and kicked away the vase of dead flowers which were displayed in the middle. He turned back to Julian and he introduced himself as "Gideon Jeremiah Tarquin Foxton." He positioned his legs as though he was going to curtsey, but bowed so low his nose was almost touching the table.
"Gideon?" Julian asked doubtfully.
He shot upright again as though he was a robot and said. "I'm here to help you, I'm here to guide you."
"Guide me through what?"
Gideon crouched down. "Your coma."
"My.. Sorry what?"
"Your coma."
Julian stared at him, Gideon still wasn't blinking, but he was still smiling.
"This," Gideon moved his arms in a whole circle. "is the world that has no name. It's neither here nor there.. Just like you. Because you're in a coma. You're neither dead nor alive."
Julian blinked three times. "So how do I get back? Because I have stuff to do and I have a family to look after. I cant be in a fucking coma!"
Gideon stood up again and pointed a finger at Julian, teasing and said. "Naughty naughty." He pulled a pocket watch from his waistcoat pocket, popped it open and said "This watch is you."
"What do you mean, its me?"
He looked at it. "See its fourteen past fifteen I quite clearly told you tea was at twenty.. I say what I mean, sir. Once this stops ticking..." He snapped it shut and put it back in his pocket.
"Brilliant. My life is in the hands of a mad-man."
"I'll introduce you to a couple of my friends." He stood up again and walked across the table to the seat at the other end, he sat down in it and put his feet up on the table, kicking off a tin milk jug- empty. "Don't let your tea go cold."

LOOOOL!!!
Genius stuff sir!

xxxxx